I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
