woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
