Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
