I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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