She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
