i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
