The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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