Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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