So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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