Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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