I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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