the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
