I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
