Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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