My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
