Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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