Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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