Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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