Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
