idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
