whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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