guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
