you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
