I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
