New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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