I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
