no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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