We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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