It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
