We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
