does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
