Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
