remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
