well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
