I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
