Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
