If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
