Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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