Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
