what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
