So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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