Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I need help removing her.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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