The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
