Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
