We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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