she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
