also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
