if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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