Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
