she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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