Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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