One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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