I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
where are my eyebrows?
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