Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
